Sales and marketing is about one thing and one thing only: Getting someone else to do something you want them to do.

Simple!

But, you and I both know that people are hard-headed. They're stuck in their ways. They may not trust you, or might doubt your ability to deliver on their needs.

Whether it's in a sales conversation or in your next fight with your spouse, try this ninja trick to convince your opponent to change their mind.

Most people argue point for point.

"YOU are not understanding! YOU are not listening! YOU don't get it!"

That's adversarial and just plain doesn't work. The thing is, people are sensitive. Egos get damaged easily. And the best way to psychologically assault the person you're speaking with is to make it seem like you know them better than they know themselves.

That might be true, but good luck making them believe it.

That's why you should avoid saying things like "you should." You don't know what they should and shouldn't do. You're not in their heads, and you don't have all the facts. So just stop doing it.

Instead, if you find that you're having trouble getting through to people, or people aren't giving you a voice in the conversation because they think your opinion doesn't count, or if you want to disarm an angry customer, try this phrase instead:

"I heard you say ____________, and it makes me wonder if _____________."

Let's break this down.

"I heard you say..." doesn't say anything about them. You're not putting words in their mouth. You're not even saying they said anything. All you're saying is that you heard them say something, which gives them the option to say, "well, you heard wrong," which is fine, because it takes all the blame off of them and puts it squarely on you.

That's a hugely disarming phrase, because no one can get mad at you for putting your own head in the chopping block, but they can and WILL get mad at you for putting THEIR head in the guillotine.

Secondly, "it makes me wonder if..." yields several wonderful psychological tricks that will play to your favor. Essentially, you're not saying they should do something, you're not saying you have a definitive answer for something, and you're not saying anything at all...except that you simply wonder if something might, possibly, be true.

Such a noncommittal phrase simply and gently floats a neutral idea into the conversation. No one owns it. It can't be right or wrong. It just is a wandering thought that anyone can now comment on or consider, without any bias or any one party being attached to it.

For example, let's say a prospect has said, "I need your services but I can't afford it."

A good salesperson might be inclined to dive into all the ways that his or her services are better, more efficient, more valuable, and so on. That creates tension and a potential argument about who considers what.

But what if you said, "I heard you say you need our services but that it might not be within your budget, and that makes me wonder if there isn't a creative option here that could fit within your budget and give you the results you need. What do you think that might look like?"

Now, all of a sudden, you're on the same side of the issue, helping each other to figure out a solution that works for everyone.

It's powerful stuff, and the best part is that most people will never even suspect for a moment that you're ninja-tricking their mind into doing your hard work for you.

So the next time you're in any conversation, ask yourself where you might be able to use this phrase to your advantage. It's changed the way I communicate in a wide variety of ways, and I hope it's as powerful for you as it has been for me.

Try this phrase out yourself!

• Most conversations - whether it's for sales or your spouse - end up in an adversarial situation when it could have been entirely avoided
• Language is everything - when you say "you should," or put words and thoughts into the mind of the person you're speaking with, you (both_ lose.
• Instead, use this phrase: "I heard you say ___________, and it makes me wonder if ________________."
• For example, let's say a prospect has said, "I need your services but I can't afford it." A good salesperson might be inclined to dive into all the ways that his or her services are better, more efficient, more valuable, and so on. That creates tension and a potential argument about who considers what.
• Instead, try: "I heard you say you need our services but that it might not be within your budget, and that makes me wonder if there isn't a creative option here that could fit within your budget and give you the results you need. What do you think that might look like?"
• Now, all of a sudden, you're on the same side of the issue, helping each other to figure out a solution that works for everyone.
• Use this trick in your next conversation and see how it goes!