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I promised myself that, by the end of the year, I'd depart from my usual topics for business leaders and instead write a post for all of my friends out there who bring their talents and passions to crappy employers. This one's for you!

First: Why does this happen?

[*sigh*] I'm not entirely sure. I think execs get fat and happy. I think sometimes ego comes into play. Managers become more interested in playing politics than serving customers. Lots of people would rather put their heads in the sand than solve problems, which leads to confusion and loss of the will to do anything that resembles great work. #laziness. Here are 8 more reasons people quit, by fellow Forbes contributor Eric Jackson. Even though the post is two years old, it still rings true. My favorite reason: People quit their bosses, not their jobs.

Do you have a shitty boss? Yes? Great - let's move on to our second point, below:

Second: What can you do if you have a shitty job?

I'm going to presume here that you have a shitty job because of the people with whom you work. After all, even if you are quitting because it's not the right role, or you are overloaded with tasks, or you hate the smell of your office chair, these could mostly be solved by open communication with management. Right?

With that in mind, here's a step-by-step guide to properly quit your shitty job, or get a raise in the process:

• Consider investing in a glass of Cabernet at lunch, pre-meeting, just to get the courage going.
• Opt out of the Cabernet and stick to water - you don't want to come off as a drunken idiot (until later when you're celebrating!).
• Book an "important meeting" with your boss and your boss's bosseseses, but only a few days in advance (you want them to squirm with anticipation of what you're going to say).
• Mentally prepare yourself to do battle. Practice putting on and taking off armor at home. Also consider watching a few YouTube videos on basic combat - all to put yourself in the right frame of mind. Here are a few resources for you: Knight in Shining Armor Set on Amazon and How to Wrestle a Bear, courtesy of obviously-veteran bear wrestler Bobby Tonelli:

• Walk confidently, and carry a big stick. An umbrella will do, in this case. Just carrying something that looks like a weapon will go a long way, here.
• Within your speech that will end in you quitting, out everyone. Does your coworker steal coffee mugs? Time to bring it to light. Is your direct report only still around because she's the third cousin (once removed) of the CEO? Time to bring it up. Are you tired of being in meetings where everyone is too busy playing Pokemon GO (OMG, that's SO three months ago, Peter, duh) to pay attention to the fourth quarter in a row of declining sales? Get ready to name names and burn reputations.
• Consider illustrating your points. If, for example, your boss refused to fix a recent HR issue, instead choosing to ignore it entirely for fear of upsetting people, prepare a stick-figure presentation in which you walk through the chain of events. Make sure the stick figure heads are big enough to convey emotion - at least smiles, frowns and confused/dismayed faces ( :-\ ) at a minimum. This is where "show, don't tell" comes into play - or so I'm told.
• Make a theatrical production of your filibuster. Wave your arms - a lot. Bring reams of paper and toss them around (preferably from the recycle bin - let's not be wasteful here, people). If you have soft things at your disposal, like some Beanie Babies from a nearby cubicle that you've said time and again are a stupid desk ornament for someone in their 50s but whatever, bring those to the room and throw them to the floor at key points in your talk, for emphasis. (Note: I mean no offense to Beanie Baby desk ornaments nor their owners; furthermore, no Beanie Babies nor Beanie Baby owners/desk-display-ers were harmed in the making of this blog post).

I've done the heavy lifting here by scripting the last part of your speech word-for-word, so you can use this for your grand ending:

And so, in conclusion, due to the aforementioned issues that hithertofore have yet to be solved, I'm quitting this shitty job because I'm far too talented for your lackluster and restrictive management (or lack thereof). HOWEVER, given my obviously incredible ideas, superb attention to detail and passion for this organization, I'm going to extend to you a one-time, exclusive opportunity to keep me here, at twice my current salary. This offer expires in four, three, two....

(This last part should be said like the voice in Mission Impossible, when Tom Cruise's message self-destructs in a countdown).

As I've promised from the title, this strategy will either help you quit your shitty job (quite permanently, might I add), OR will help you get a raise and even double your income! If you've personally tried this strategy, I'd love to know how it turned out, so please leave a comment.

Third: What can we all do about this terrible plague?

Whenever I come across an unhappy employee, it's usually in connection with someone expressing how s/he would like to start a business. Since I love encouraging entrepreneurs, I love those conversations. But, not everyone is made for entrepreneurship; so, what about the rest of the talented people out there who are stuck in crappy jobs at crappy organizations that suffer from a lack of communication, a lack of empathy, a lack of appreciation for people, a lack of good business systems or even a lack of sound business knowledge?

Well, in part, that's why I wrote my book, which is about honesty, transparency and authenticity in a new business world that some organizations are reluctant to accept. In it, I illustrate new concepts for business that put people and experiences ahead of products, services and profits - just as it should be. In part, my mission is to make sure that no one has to use these (albeit awesome) strategies to quit a shitty job, ever again! Big, awesome announcements for my book are coming soon, so you'll have to wait to hear the news. But, for now, know that I believe we all have a responsibility to help organizations change so that we ALL can love what we do for work, every single day.

What about you? Do you love your job? Why? Do you have great ideas for your organization? Has management listened to your ideas, or swept them under the rug? Do you agree that we all have a role to play in making our work lives better?

DISCLAIMER: The author takes no personal responsibility whatsoever for the advice, tips, suggestions, inferences, recommendations, tactics or strategies given in this article. The words that collectively make up the paragraphs that form this blog post herein is, are, aren't, isn't and won't be or not be reflective of the author's direct or indirect experience with any of the tactics, strategies, suggestions or inferences listed herein, nor does the author directly recommend or not recommend following or not following this or any other strategy that you may or may not have encountered either here, there, or anywhere, or even everywhere, ever, amen.

If you liked this article:

• Click here to download Peter's FREE eBook, 5 Essential Steps to Growing Your Business with Millennials.
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